Mercury is no longer in Lemonade, I mean Retrograde.

You ever heard the saying "God gives the hardest battles to his strongest soldiers." I don't know about you guys but I personally have a love/hate relationship with that quote. Yes it's great to be strong and tackle all of the hardships that life has for you but shit, sometimes you don't want to. ALL MY LIFE I HAD TO FIGHT, and chile I'm tired. People see me as being a strong person and I can agree. I've been through a lot and it only made me better. But geez, I have feelings and emotions too. There's days that I want to break down, cry and just sleep all day. We all have days like this or at least I know I do. It just comes off as I can't because of people's perspective of me.

Let's get into our emotions and feelings. Or at least my own. This past month I've been dealing with some heavy emotions which led to me not writing or doing anything for that matter. I don't know if it was mercury being in retrograde because it's so easy to blame that or who knows. So if you were asking "Where Has She Been?", you'll get your answer here. Between my place of residence, the amount of pressure I put on myself and not being able to really express my feelings, my eyes have been heavy. Back in the day I don't think I valued living in New York and having access to my family as much as I should. Don't get me wrong I was always someone that loved being to herself. (I still do *shrugs*) But sometimes you need a dose of your family and the fact that they are farther away, brings me down. Now a 2 hour drive isn't bad but sometimes you don't want to have to do that just to be in the mixx or to see your mom. *Sigh* Don't worry I'm working on relocating, hopefully. (Keep in touch to see where.)

As I got older I started understanding anxiety and depression as real sicknesses and not just two things that white people go through. It's so easy to mask your feelings because you feel you're undeserving to breakdown. That's so far from the truth. You can feel however you want to feel and not have to apologize for it. No one can take that away from you. I love how predominantly black casted shows and black artists are speaking out about this topic because it's shining a light to people of color and showing them they are not alone. Or that they shouldn't feel ashamed or embarrassed to seek therapy.

One thing I realized is anytime you're feeling down about something you need to talk it out. Whatever is bothering you, some form of release is needed. For me, I love to write but talking about my concerns, frustrations and whatever else that was clogging my brain, seemed to help, tremendously. I wouldn't say I was depressed but I often have my emotions take over when they don't need to. Luckily I have friends and family that are willing to hear me no matter what the problem could be.

Anywho, I just wanted to keep you guys in the know of where my head was at. I'll try not to make a whole month go by without me writing to you all. I just needed some time but She's in better spirits and Megan wouldn't be happy if she knew I was out here losing points for our HOT GIRL SUMMER. So while the Summer is still present, I shall have more content for you guys!!